Who ate Yuyuko's Cookies?
by StevenTheLost
Summary: The greatest literature to grace mankind since Tommy Wasso's script for "The Room". P.S, Never write when you're bored. P.P.S, OOC story.


"So, who did it...?"

Everyone was dead silent as they looked down at the empty cookie jar plastered with the name 'Yuyuko' across it's surface. Normally it would have a variaty of different cookies for Yuyuko to munch on, but there wasn't even a crumb left in it's hollow space; just air and a feeling of impending doom. Six people where surrounding the cookie jar, everyone with equal opportunity to commit the heinous deed as well as motive.

Yukari had a good memory, so she hadn't forgotten the time that Yuyuko became a little to drunk and ended up telling Ran about Yukari's secret obession with taking the fox Yokai's underwear and inhaling it's fumes. Ever since, her familiar's belongings had been under lock and key, leaving a very sexual frustrated, as well as bitter, Yukari.

Reimu didn't have as good of a memory as Yukari, but that didn't change the fact that she held a grudge for the last time Yuyuko visited her in the winter. Her guest ate everything in her food supply, leaving a very hungry and pissed off shrine maiden during the winter's harsh would have been just 'desserts' if she took food from her instead...

Suika, by default, had the same motive as Reimu, being the moocher she was.

Mystia was always invited over when Yuyuko had guests... and is almost always avoiding becoming the night's main dish. Clearly, a jar of cookies is nothing compared to the constant threat of being eaten.

The self-insert character was there because of (complicated plot reasons) and also had a sweet tooth. Clearly, since he would get away with anything, eating a couple of cookies would be no problem for him.

Lastly, Youmu, while being a loyal gardener/servant/wannabe samuri of Yuyuko's, also had a motive... FOR MURDER! DUN-DUN-DUN... Ok, perhaps not as dramatic as that; she just wanted to clean out the cookie jar since it hadn't been washed in months. With the jar being clean, everyone turned to her first.

"Youmu."

"Youmu."

"It's totally Youmu."

"Yup."

"Rest in fucking pieces, lol."

"What the fuck you guys!?" Youmu cursed in an OOC way because that's just the kind of Fan-fic this is. "The culprit would've cleaned it out to put suspicion on me!"

"I tots forsaw that, being a gneuis of 200 billion I.Q pointzzzzz!" The self-insert proclaimed.

"Wow, I am completely impressed for whatever reason." Suika said, looking completely impressed for whatever reason.

"Can I go home now?" Mystia asked.

"No." Everyone said collectively, making Mystia sigh.

"Fuck." Mystia muttered.

"Clearly we should just blame the self-insert, he can't die anyways." Yukari suggested.

"Da fuck, ima hero you slut, bitch just biter cuz she cant get her way lol" Self-insert hastily typed into his keyboard, breaking all sense of immersion for the reader (That's you, by the way.)

"Self-Insert is right, you guys. We need to stop blaming him for everything and start riding his dic-" Reimu started before being interrupted by Suika.

"But it's already an established fact that all the girls in Gensokyo are gay!"

"Don't matter, self-insert comes first." Reimu argued.

(Space indicating they all had wild and elict sex involving unrealistic stamina and body proportions.)

"Phew, that was so fucking hot and sexy, too bad the readers couldn't read any of it!" Reimu exclaimed, wiping off some cum from her forehead.

"Can we please just figure out who ate the goddamn cookies before this entire universe collapses onto itself from the lack of consistant character personality and plot?" Youmu complained.

"What are you talking about, there's memorable and well fleshed out characters here!" Reimu disagreed.

"Then tell us how we are different from one another ASIDE FROM THE READERS KNOWLEDGE OF OUR CHARACTERS BEFORE READING THIS!" Youmu yelled.

"Self-insert is a internet troll-"

"lafolmao bitches be tripin"

"-Sukia's gay-"

"-OH GOD, HIS THING WAS IN MY... UGH!"

"-Yukari's the one who makes the most sense without breaking the fourth wall-"

"There must have been some aphrodisiac's slipped in the food for such a thing to have happened..."

"-Mystia is a whiny bitch-"

"Ow, my pussy still hurts..."

"-You're the OOC who applies logic while breaking the fourth wall, and finally, I'm the OOC who proceeds to break the forth wall faster than Self-Insert's cock breaking my hymen like a stampeding bull."

"Oh, my, fucking, god, what asshole made this train-wreck of a story!?" Youmu cried out.

A writer whos bored out of his mind and hitting writers block for his more popular stories. I'm sorry Youmu, I'm sorry.

"Fuck you!" Youmu exclaimed, not accepting my apology.

"Now, now, we have a mystery to solve!" Reimu said, trying to convice Youmu, who reluctanly nodded her head. "Now then, who ate the cookies?"

. . .

"Um, guys? This is an OOC story and it's starting to become longer than it has to be. Seriously, who ate the fucking cookies?" Reimu prodded.

. . .

"...Do we actually have to figure out who did it!? Is there any point to having a mystery at this point in a completely illogical story!?" Reimu exclaimed, confused.

"Well... why don't we eliminate the possibilities one by one until theres only one person who could've done it?" Yukari suggests.

"Sur." Self-insert nods.

"Let's just get this over with." Mystia sighs.

"Since you suggested it, why don't we start with you, Yukari; why are you innocent?" Reimu asked.

"Uhm! Uh..." Yukari's cheeks blushed up all of sudden as she looked away. "B-because... My motive is invalid..."

"Invalid?" Youmu asked.

"W-well, you see, it turns out that Ran also had feelings for me all along, and-"

"-You two fucked each others brains out before all this and it would've never happened if not for Yuyuko making your feelings known to Ran. Ok, next!" Reimu exclaimed.

"Wh-wait! Don't you want to hear how touching my story was?"

"Eh, the writer probably won't make it. Besides, he's starting to fall asleep so let's wrap this up; Suika, why are you innocent?" Youmu asked, only to see Suika chanting hesterically in the corner.

"His cock was in... cock, cock, cock, cock, cock... BUT I LIKE WOMEN, GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"Umm... I'll take that as a 'bye' for now. Mystia, why are you innocent?" Youmu asked.

"God, this is such a pain... I'm innocent because I was busy ripping out Yuyuko's intestines while she was under the influence of a strong cloroform as I fed it through her eye-sockets which I just recently emptied. Then, after stringing her innards into the brain like christmas popcorn, I- (So fucked up that even I wouldn't dare writing it down for the sake of this fucking stupid story. Why the fuck are you even reading this still? Go to fucking bed while trying to keep the nightmares this story causes away, lol) Can I go now?"

"RESOLUTION! Mystia you sick fuck, you saved us from continuing this story any longer!" Youmu cried out in joy as she hugged Mystia.

"...Umm, what?" Mystia asked, confused.

"You killed a the main source of the problem! Yuyuko can't get mad at any of us if shes dead, so we don't need to find out who did it!" Youmu exclaimed.

"But shes a ghost..." Mystia pointed out.

"It's a fucking OOC story, she's probably prema-dead. That being said, I'll confess that I ate the cookies." Youmu stated. "Eating out of a filthy jar like that was fucking disgusting, so of course I ate it, like the pig that I am..." Youmu started panting heavily, reavealing her nature as a masochist. "By the way Mystia, can you fuck me up too?"

"Ur all fuckjsed up. late you retarded fagssd im outta er." Self-insert left, leaving them alone.

Everyone else followed except for Mystia and Youmu. Mystia started on Youmu's body by (You don't wanna know.)

* * *

And so, the morale of this story is to not be bored out of your mind, because then you start to realize just how much of a horrible person you are. 0_o


End file.
